It is common for engaged couples to participate in pre-marital therapy, which ideally starts approximately 12 months before the wedding date; or before you get engaged. In just a single pre-marital counseling session, Dr. Jayn provides a clinical assessment and a detailed report (60-80 pages) on the couple’s union. With this information, Dr. Jayn can inform the couple about the issues that their relationship specifically might face, and teach the couple how to address those issues.
The 10 day retreat covers the couple’s strengths, weaknesses, and tools and skills that they can use to address areas of concern.
The following are some of the topics that will be covered in the premarital series;
differences in personality types
politics
religion/spirituality
finances
work issues
domestic chores and responsibilities
health issues (physical and mental)
sex/intimacy
conflict resolution
(if) / when to start a family
parenting styles and roles
relationships with their extended families / in-laws
terminal illness of a spouse
terminal illness of a child
special needs children
death of a spouse
infidelity/affairs
navigating career progressions
fertility challenges
relocating to a foreign country / spending time abroad
rotations for holidays
finance
city to live in
retirement savings and planning
relationship with money
drugs and alcohol - addiction
caring for parents in old age
termination of pregnancy
unresolved abuse/trauma faced in childhood being brought into the relationship
reviewing of credit scores
prenuptial agreement
The goal of the pre-marital counseling session is to ensure that each person is certain that s/he truly wants—and is prepared—to spend the rest of his/her life with the other.
Couples will do the following 4 assessments to determine their suitability for the retreat: Gottman Couples’ Assessment 5 Love Languages Locus of Control Attachment Styles
The couples retreat will start with you and your partner constructively discussing your core issues with Dr. Jayn. Dr. Jayn will help you and your partner uncover your deep-seated and unresolved problems, conflicts, resentments, and/or anger. If this involves a personal/individual problem that’s affecting you and/or your partner, then individual EMDR sessions can be conducted, especially if that problem involves trauma related to unresolved issues. You and your partner will learn new tools and skills to use in dealing with the problem areas of your relationship.
If you adhere to the program and practice the tools and skills on a daily basis, positive changes can start immediately (even during the retreat). The ultimate goal is to improve the core dynamics and functioning of the relationship. To achieve this, many techniques will be utilized, including role-playing exercises, in which Dr. Jayn will coaching you and your partner. Another productive technique is to engage in the Gottman Love Language activities, in which you and your partner will learn how to be brave, to constructively ask for what you want, and to actually get it. These methods of couples communication are extremely helpful, especially for couples who typically have only superficial/surface conversations. If you feel that you’ve been hearing your partner say the same things to you, that means that you have not peeled back the proverbial onion. When couples have learned how to peel back the layers, there is often a breakthrough that is very emotional, as the partners are finally hearing, for the first time, what is behind each other’s “surface statements.”
The information that comes from these sessions is priceless, as you’ll finally understand your partner and the way that s/he has been trying to communicate with you. Couples usually find these sessions to be very enlightening and energizing, which motivates them to continue using the newly-acquired tools and skills after the retreat. When you and your partner have learned effective and efficient ways of communicating, you’ll finally feel heard and understood by your partner, and vice versa. This will give you a lot of hope in continuing your relationship, with compassion rather than resentment. When you and your partner feel hopeful, forgiveness is possible.
Please watch this video on the distress that a person can experience in their relationship with a loved one, and the explanations behind it.